


dear diary, my captian hates me.

by jupitersdiary



Category: Haikyuu!!
Genre: M/M, Mutual Pining, Pining, Shy Akaashi Keiji, side kuroken, tsundere bokuto koutarou
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2021-02-13
Updated: 2021-02-19
Packaged: 2021-03-12 17:41:40
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 3
Words: 4,512
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/29388585
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/jupitersdiary/pseuds/jupitersdiary
Summary: akaashi spends his days drawing, doing homework, playing volleyball, and pining over his absent-minded and distant volleyball captain.
Relationships: Akaashi Keiji/Bokuto Koutarou
Comments: 18
Kudos: 46





	1. Chapter 1

Akaashi originally didn’t want to go.

It had been the third movie that the team had watched together that month, and after seeing the notebook with an emotional Konoha and Fast and Furious: Tokyo Drift with a talkative Washio, Akaashi was pretty much tapped out of movie-ruining shenanigans.

But it was Bokuto’s turn to pick the movie, and he actually picked a good one. Today they were going to watch Casablanca at 7.

He found out after Komi tapped on his shoulder during 2nd Period Calculus, and told him that they were all going to rent out the small black and white theater’s screen number 5, and that Akaashi had to pay his fair share in order to come.

After huffing and turning around in his seat, Akaashi scrapped the idea of finishing his work and drew a small pros and con list at the top right corner of his Calculus worksheet.

Cons came first of course, because they were the easiest to pin down on the page.

  * _Renting out the entire screen is going to be about $15 a person_ (and Akaashi thought that was just ridiculous for one movie _)  
_
  * _I probably won’t have enough time to finish my homework after, so I will have to do it during lunch._ (Akaashi could never focus on his homework during lunch, he was either too busy scolding Konoha for throwing food or eves-dropping in one of Bokuto-san’s long rants about his Physics class)
  * _My mom will lecture me about staying out on a school night.  
_



Content with his cons list, he moved onto the pros side of the sheet, and stuck his pencil eraser in his mouth while concentrating.

  * _Hanging out with the team is usually fun_ (and, although Akaashi would never admit it, fomo is real when he misses out on team hang-outs)
  * _I could use a bit of stress-relief before my exam on Friday._ (Pretty self explanatory, he thought) _  
_
  * _I really do love Casablanca._ (It had been his favorite movie as a kid, a bit too grown for him, but the idea of love and sacrifice had always resonated with him) _  
_
  * _Bo.._



Just as Akaashi was about to add one last bullet point to the list, he stopped himself and decided he had already made up his mind.

He turned around and whispered to Komi “I’ll be there”, and with a smile Komi gave him a quick thumbs-up.

And with that, he was going.

After spending lunch in the library to focus on his work, he ran back to 7th and 8th period to finish up his school day. Art History and World Studies were definitely two of his favorite classes, but he wished that he didn’t have them so late in his schedule. Desperate to stay awake, Akaashi pinched his thigh and finished the last sentence of his essay. Without even bothering to proof read it, he turned it in.

As he made his way to the front of the classroom to submit his paper to the teacher, he caught a glimpse of someone just outside the door.

Well, not just someone.

Bokuto-san was outside his classroom, talking to one of the cutest girls in his grade, Kaori (well, Akaashi wouldn’t really know considering... _you know._ But thats what he hears everyone say, and who is he to tell them they’re wrong?)

A small blush had painted itself across Bokuto’s face as he was talking to the younger girl, and Akaashi couldn’t help but feel a twang in his chest. He had always noticed the way Bokuto reached his hand to scratch the back of his neck when he was nervous in the middle of a match, and was suprised to see the same behavior mirrored outside of the 2-B classroom. 

Rubbing at the pit of his navel, Akaashi mindlessly placed his essay on the teacher’s desk and excused himself to the bathroom.

Walking past the scene in front of him, Akaashi braced himself for contact with his captian. He pondered on whether or not he should offer a sweet smile, or keep it simple with a cute nod.

As time was running out on the interation-clock, Akaashi decided to meet eyes with Bokuto and give him a curt smile and nod. Bokuto’s eyes glanced over at Akaashi uninterestedly, and nodded back.

_Ouch._

As the pain in his chest grew bigger, Akaashi wished he had stood in the classroom and avoided the interaction all together. He didn’t even need to go, but something in his mind told him to anyway.

Akaashi sauntered into the bathroom and made his way over to the sink, where he grabbed soap and began to scrub his hands.

Akaashi had always considered his hands to be very important.

He was a setter after all, and in order to ensure top performance, his hands needed to be in tip-top shape. He filed his nails every other night, and made sure to clean the underside with a needle to be sure that he would never get an infection. Not to mention that his side hobby of drawing required every last attention to detail, every carefully-calculated stroke of his pencil was due to his perfectly stable and healthy hands.

Once he deemed the wash good enough, he shook his hands free of access water and glanced up into the mirror.

Quickly acknowledging his reflection, he took notice of all of the (three) new marks and blemishes on his face since he last checked on Monday. Studying his deepening dark circles from stress (stupid exam season) and eyeing his untamed eyebrows. Akaashi knew why girls like Kaori (with beautiful ash blonde hair and sparkling eyes) were always drooled over, and in turn, he also knew why boys like him never got a second glance. It's just human nature. He had come to accept it. 

Then, in the middle of his self-loating session, Akaashi noticed footsteps drawing closer and closer to the bathroom door. He quickly moved away from the mirror to grab a paper towel and head out of the bathroom.

Once the door was opened, Akaashi threw out the crumpled paper ball and turned around to be met with his Capitan.

“B-Bokuto-san. Hello.” He managed, awkward with heat rising to his face. He let his eyes drop to the floor, avoiding the confrontation. 

Bokuto glanced at his figure in return and replied back with a monotone “Yo.”

Before he could even think to catch himself, words were flying out of his mouth.

“I am excited about the movie tonight, Casablanca is one of my all-time favorites” He spouted, instantly regretting the bit of overshare that was not welcome in the cold interaction. 

Hearing an inhale of breath infront of him, Akaashi’s eyes slowly moved up to meet the golden ones infront of him. “Oh." he stated, almost disappointedly. "You’re coming?”

_What_?

Appalledby the bitter tone of the question, Akaashi found himself at a loss for words. In moments like these, Akaashi curses whatever god he can think of at the moment for endowing him with the emotions and sensitivity of his cancer mother. 

“Um, m-maybe not. Excuse me.”

Making a beeline for the door, Akaashi didn’t even wait to hear what the other had to say.

If he did, he would’ve heard a quiet “Damn” escape his captian's lips. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> this is a new work and i'm having so much fun with it already. please let me know what you think! also the tag says bokuto is mean, which is what akaashi will come to think. but i imagine him here as a big dummy who can't understand his feelings yet. i hope you enjoyed and thanks for reading!!


	2. Chapter 2

As his World Studies teacher finished his tangent about how World War I affected the production of chocolate in America, Akaashi sat at the back of the class drowning in regret.

If only he hadn’t gone to the bathroom, he wouldn’t be feeling the way he does right now. Was it even that big of a deal? Was Bokuto just simply wondering if he was going or not?

The gremlin in the back of Akaashi’s mind kept insisting that the occurrence was nothing but negative, and usually Akaashi yields to the gremlin on his hands and knees.

Today was no different.

When the bell finally rang to signal the end of the day, Akaashi groaned as nerves settled in his stomach. What was he going to do tonight?

He made his way over to the lockers at the front of the school to grab his shoes, and he eyed the 20 dollar bill he had placed underneath his keys that morning. Before he could even contemplate whether or not to use it, a hand was already reaching inside his locker to swap the bill with a 5.

“See you tonight Kaashi! Make sure to sneak in snacks” Komi finished with a wink, and right before his eyes, the plans were solidified.

Now Akaashi’s nerves were pooling deeper in his stomach and adding so much pressure that he thought he might have to visit the bathroom for the second time in 40 minutes.

Slowly (while clutching his stomach), he made his way towards the exit and began his calming breathing exercise.

It did not work.

When Akaashi gets really overwhelmed, he has two options. His more favorable option is the self-sufficient one, where he sits wherever he can find space and pulls out a book to distract himself from his budding anxiety attack.

Looking around, Akaashi realized that there was nowhere to sit but the concrete and he wore his white uniform pants today, not to mention the book he brought to school was about polar bears and the melting ice caps, and he didn’t want to burst out in tears out in public.

The second option was, well how Akaashi liked to put it, desperate.

Not that calling your friends is ever a bad thing, but Akaashi didn’t really like going to others for help. But this was new territory for him, and he really wasn’t doing okay sorting this dilemma on his own. So on a whim, Akaashi pulled out his phone and rang his best friend on the other side of Tokyo.

A wave of relief washed over his body as he saw the connecting screen.

“Kenma-kun, please _please_ help me.” Akaashi threw his pride out of the window, desperate for someone to relieve his aching tummy of anxiousness. 

He could feel his friend on the other side of the screen grow nervous of what he had to say. “Oh no ‘Kaashi, are you okay? Are you having another attack?”

“Not yet, but I feel it coming. I am just so nervous.”

He proceeded to fill in his best friend on the bathroom and hallway happenings of that day. As he was finishing up his tale, someone walked into Kenma’s bedroom, interrupting the conversation.

“Kitten, what do you think for pizza, pepperoni or cheese?” Akaashi recoiled in disgust at the pet name, sticking his finger in his mouth and faking a gagging noise. The taller boy jumped a bit, not having realized that someone was listening to him.

“Oh, hey Akaashi” Kuroo chuckled sheepishly. Kenma laughed at his boyfriend, and then filled him in on what was going on.

“Bokuto is being a jerk again.” Kenma’s face grew angry “Why are you even friends with him anyway?”

Kuroo looked over to Akaashi on the other side of the line, who was now hiding his face while walking into his home, not wanting Kuroo to see his upset state. After all, his loyalty was to Bokuto and not him, so lord knows what he could tell him about this conversation they were having. Not that he thought Kuroo would do something as petty as that, but he wanted to be careful just in case.

Kuroo sighed lightly and turned to give both boys a smirk.

“I think you just don’t know him all that well yet. I am sorry that he is acting like that though.” He finished neutrally, “So….?” Kuroo questioned turning to Kenma.

Kenma and Kuroo have been dating for about 2 years now, but they have all known each other for much longer. When they were all little, their moms met through a single moms+tots book club, and the boys clicked immediately. Akaashi and Kenma becoming friends first, and adopting Kuroo into their small group when they noticed he didn’t have any other playmates in the book club. They spent every weekend, every summer vacation and every holiday together up until 7th grade, when Akaashi moved across the city. After the move, the boys eventually grew apart. Kenma and Akaashi always found ways to keep in touch, considering how perfect they fit together as friends. Kuroo and Akaashi however, didn’t really manage to keep the connection. After moving, Kuroo became very focused on his relationship with Kenma, and Akaashi thought that was just fine. He really did love them together.

Akaashi fondly remembers all of the long nights that Kenma would spend talking his ear off (disgustingly) about the latter, and not to mention how insecure Kenma was to confess. Kenma spent months dropping subtle cues, but Tetsoru was notably the least-intelligent of the group. After Kenma had called his at three a.m. crying one night, Akaashi grew fed up of the antics and called Kuroo up to give him a piece of his mind about taking advantage of situations and leading someone on. Kuroo took the hint and ended up confessing on the first day of 9th grade, and the rest is history. (And although Kuroo doesn’t ever brush his hair and used to collect slimy bugs when they were little, Akaashi thinks he is the perfect guy for his best friend)

Akaashi had come to find out that dating your childhood best friend meant you could read each other’s minds, so Kenma did just that. “Cheese.” He replied.

Kuroo pouted a bit, obviously having wanted Kenma to say pepperoni, and waddled out of the room.

“I don’t know how I put up with that big oaf.”

“Hey you didn’t even try to say that quietly!” Akaashi heard someone yell from another room and laughed.

As Kenma finished smiling at his boyfriend, he turned to Akaashi.

“In all seriousness Kaash, I think you should go tonight.”

“What? I though you were going to tell me not to go!”

“I almost was, but then I remembered how hot you are” Kenma grew a mischievous smile on his face. _Oh no. Thats never good._

“No Kenma. Whatever you're about to say, no.”

“Kaashi! Hear me out: your cream turtle neck, those washed out jeans your mom got you from uniqlo and those brown shoes you wore last time you came over here.” Kenma bit his lip.

“AND that sexy watch your step mom got you for Christmas.” Kenma smiled as though that was the cherry on top of the outfit.

Akaashi groaned for the umpteenth time that day.

“Stop making those noises Kaashi! You are irresistible in turtlenecks!”

Akaashi blushed “You better hope Kuroo doesn’t hear this conversation Kenma.”

Almost on cue, Kuroo walked into the room holding a plate full of pizza. “Oh I heard and I completely agree. White turtleneck has my vote.” He placed the pizza down on the table in front of Kenma and gave him a kiss on the forehead. After snatching his switch away from his boyfriend's hands, he ran out of the room. Kenma’s eyes followed him with a glare.

Turning back to his best friend, Kenma finished the phone call with a quick goodbye and a “Think about it!” before the screen went black.

_Damn. What am I going to do?_

Plopping down onto the couch, he decided that: no matter what he was going to do, he _had_ to take a shower. Hoisting himself back up from the couch, Akaashi hauled ass upstairs and started the water.

Watching as the steam fogged up the bathroom mirror, Akaashi peeled off his school clothes and jumped in under the sizzling heat.

Feeling all of his muscles relax under the warm water pressure, the gremlin in the back of his mind began to grow calm as well.

He thought back through his day, thinking about the onigiri he ate while doing his anatomy homework in the library and how good it was. Thinking about how Sarukui stepped his muddy sneakers on his white shoe laces during gym and how he has to wash them. Thinking about his essay and well-crafted thesis statement in World Studies class; thinking about who was outside of his world studies class. He sighed. 

Thinking about Bokuto’s smile, and the way his peachy blush had complimented his golden eyes. Thinking about Bokuto’s salt and pepper colored hair. Thinking about Bokuto’s fingers running through his hair, attached to strong arms moving up and down. Thinking about Bokuto’s arms. And back. Thinking about Bokuto-san's back.

As Akaashi’s mind traveled down Bokuto’s body in his memory, he felt a warm feeling pool at the pit of his stomach. Feeling guilty, Akaashi halted his thoughts quickly. Breathing in deep, he checked his hormonal behavior and finished his shower after washing his hair and body.

Heart still beating rapidly in his chest, he looked up and wiped at the foggy mirror to see a familiar pink tone washed over his pale skin.

_Fuck._

_  
_Before he knew it, he had made up his mind.

_I have to see Bokuto tonight._

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> this chapter was so fun to write! as always, please let me know what you think! your comments on my last chapter made me smile so hard thank you for all of the support <3!!! 
> 
> next chapter is going to be really fun ;)


	3. Chapter 3

Whenever he finds himself standing in front of a mirror, Akaashi is always his own worst enemy.

Mercilessly ripping apart every aspect of his appearance to the point where he can’t even recognize himself. Akaashi knows that it seems dramatic, but he has honestly gotten used to it now. So, he dials Kenma for the second time that day.

As the ringing stops, Akaashi squeezes his eyes shut and turns the camera around, so his friend can see his full body reflection when the call connects. As the phone pings, signaling the connected call, Akaashi waits for any words of confirmation that his best friend can conjure up.

“Holy fuck” Kenma breathes into the phone speaker, and Akaashi opens one eye, attempting to decipher whether or not that was a “holy fuck, take that shit off” or a “holy fuck, I just nutted.” Before he can even get a good read on Kenma, he’s already calling to Kuroo.

“KUROO! GET THE CUM RAG I JUST FUCKING JIZZED MY PANTS”

Akaashi feels the blush creep up onto his face, happy that it was the latter of the two reactions.

Quick feet are heard on wooden floors, and Kuroo comes into view loudly praising the outfit Kenma put together “Oh my _god_ Kenma you have an eye for this shit.”

Kenma smirks “Tell me something I don’t know.” he chimes in, admiring the view that Akaashi is displaying for him.

Although very grateful, Keiji shifts awkwardly on the other side of the line, unable to handle the overwhelming amount of compliments being thrown his way. Kenma takes that as his cue to switch the conversation’s gears.

“So, I take this as a sign that you’re going?”

Akaashi grows nervous once again, but nods. Hell, theres no way he plucked his eyebrows and did his mascara for no reason.

“Oh my goodness Kaash, you won’t regret it.” Akaashi searches for the uncertainty in his voice that Kenma knows he won’t find. “He’s going to bust in his pants when he sees your BUTT in those jeans.”

Blushing even deeper, Akaashi turns to get a glimpse of his rear in the mirror. Noticing the small but perky curve in his pants gives him the last swell of confidence that he needs to get himself out of the door today. That was one thing Akaashi actually kind of appreciated about his appearance, and Kenma always made sure to highlight that.

“If I can even make it there, I’ve almost gave up and jumped into pajamas like four times.” It wasn’t a lie, but Akaashi was pretty set on going once Konoha texted the group chat bragging about how he bought Hot Cheetos from the American grocery store. There was no _way_ he was going to let Konoha’s fat ass eat those chips all by himself.

Kuroo chuckled beside Kenma and whispered something into his boyfriend’s ear. Kenma conjured up the biggest smirk Akaashi has ever seen him make, and the troll in the back of his head awoke once again to convince him that they were quietly plotting on his downfall, and this outfit was only the start of the plan.

Akaashi shook out the thought. He trusted Kenma and Kuroo, and tonight was going to be fine. Even if Bokuto-san didn’t even look at him, he would still have hot Cheetos and would enjoy his favorite movie.

Right?

Before Kenma has the chance to embarrass Akaashi even more, Washio texted him saying he was outside. He quickly thanked his best friend and hung up the phone. Akaashi quickly sprinted down the stairs and outside, past his mom cooking something that smelled, well, not so great. He ran pretty fast, almost fast enough to miss her yelling from their small kitchenette. She was furious, but Akaashi knew she would be drunk enough when he got home to have forgotten all about him anyway. He made a mental note to be quiet on his way back inside that night.

Washio greeted Akaashi with a smile as he settled into the passenger seat of the car, and the two started talking about where they wanted to sit in the theater.

“The front ’s the best because your whole view is the screen” Washio stated, holding up his hands to help argue his point. Akaashi laughed.

“Sorry but I already have terrible vision, I don’t need to fuck it up any more.” Washio chuckled thinking about Akaashi's 1-inch thick glasses, and glanced up at Akaashi’s face in question.

“Speaking of,” he started, “Where are your big ass glasses? Do we need to go back and get them really quick? We have time.” Akaashi blushed deep at the comment.

Akaashi always wore his glasses when they went to the movies because the large screen always ended up irritating his eyes halfway through, but tonight Akaashi wanted to look his best, so he was embracing the whole “beauty is pain” clause. He foolishly opened his mouth to explain just that, but luckily right as he was formulating the words, he caught himself.

“I- Uh, left them at my dad’s house last weekend, so I’m stuck with contacts for today.”

For refrence, something that should be known about Akaashi Keiji is that he is a horrible liar. And, everyone knows it.

Having seen Akaashi wear his glasses Tuesday during their biology exam, Washio hummed in pretend belief as he tried to play along. He wonders why Akaashi lied about something so trivial.

As the car ride continues on, the two sing along to whatever is playing on the radio and get excited for the team hang out that they were headed into.

When the two arrive, Akaashi first notices the pit that has burrowed it’s way into his stomach. Then he observes the way his hands tremble on the way to unbuckle his seatbelt, then the way his legs turn to jelly as he takes his first steps to the cinema door. Washio laughs, assuming that his friend had done a little pre-gaming (courtesy of his mom’s liquor cabinet), and swoops under Akaashi's left arm to help him to the door.

Little does he know it’s butterflies and anxiety and a dash of homosexual desire thats got Akaashi on the way to the floor without Washio’s arm there to hold him upright. Okay and maybe a shot of tequila.

Plus three for good luck.

As the two walk in, Akaashi spots the group waiting outside of screen number five. Akaashi’s eyes dart around on instinct and can’t see Bokuto's puffy owl-head anywhere in the theater. Suddenly, he feels the strength in his legs return.

Pushing past a stunned Washio, he walks over and greets his teammates. Keiji's hazy eyes land Konoha with a pregnant stomach, which bears the love child of hot chips and jolly ranchers. He laughs and runs over to punch the snacks, questioning who was stupider, Konoha for thinking this stupid disguise was genius or the movie theater security for letting him through. Out of spite and self-defense, Konoha returns the favor to Akaashi, sending him a foot back laughing.

With the small dose of alcohol finally taking affect, Akaashi feels himself already loosening up. The boys all huddle around him when he is like this, laughing and enjoying the loose version of their vice-capitan that they don’t get to see too often at school or during practice. The team notices the behavior change in Akaashi when he hangs out with them after school, and the difference is so drastic that Komi wondered if Akaashi had borderline personality disorder during his first year on the team. 

Of course they don’t tell Akaashi thats why they go out to the movies so often.

While Sarukui is in the middle of explaining why he ripped the hole in his shirt strategically below the breast to hold his soda, Akaashi _giggles_ when he says it’s so no one can try to bum a swig of it during the movie.

“You know Kui,” He chides “I don’t think that would stop me.”

Sarukui raises an eyebrow at Akaashi’s attempt to flirt his way into a free coke, and is about to say something when someone clears their throat behind them.

Turning around like a deer in headlights, Akaashi meets a pair of golden eyes that are scanning him up and down. Akaashi can almost feel his feet slam onto the ground when he comes back to reality.

_Yikes_ , thinking to himself that not even poor Don Julio can save him from the bitter reality of Bokuto's distaste with him. 

Bokuto’s eyes wander over the group, not even sparing Akaashi a second glance as he opens his mouth “Sorry I took so long guys, my mom was grilling me about coming out on a school night.” Almost like clockwork, his hand is at his neck.

_So much for the outfit_ Akaashi signs outwardly, knowing his naïeve plan to woo his Capitan is just another tally on the list of failed attempts at gaining his attention.

Before he knows it, the boys are all pushing their way through the door to find a seat in front of the screen.Scrambling to get the seat next to Konoha to ensure his supply of flamin’ hots, he fails to notice the boy trailing behind him.

As Konoha is fighting against Akaashi’s iron grip on the chips, the opening screen for Casablanca appears and Akaashi releases his hands out of sheer excitement to see his favorite cinema classic.

His excitement quickly fades as he notices the screen reflecting light off of the bright grey hair next to him. The pit finds its way back into the deepest depths of his stomach and he glances around the room at all of the open seats left, which are all dirty or being taken by jackets and extra snacks. _Fuck._

Then, almost tauntingly, he feels a heavy finger tap onto his left shoulder. 

Akaashi doesn’t even want to look.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> HEY GUYSS!! Okay this chapter was so freaking fun to write, mainly because the Fukurodani dynamic is so cute to me. As always please let me know what you think! Any assumptions for whats going to happen next?
> 
> Also, I was JAMMING to lana del rey as I was writing this chapter and I feel like it shows.


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